Resolution

About six or seven weeks after I became a mom, I noticed that I was having back pain.  It got worse and worse as each day would pass.  I attributed this to picking up the kids all the time- something I had not been used to before.  Eventually, when I started telling the kids, "Mommy can't give you picky-up because my back hurts too much," I knew I needed to do something about this.  So I called my friend Will, who happens to be a naturopathic physician.  About seven years ago, I was experiencing this same issue and after six or seven sessions of cranio-sacral therapy with Will, I was healed.  On the second go-round, I was pretty sure he could help- and he did- but not in the way that I expected.

Will set me up as his last patient of the day and when I came into his office, it was very quiet, as all the employees and patients had gone home.  He examined my back and neck and head and had me lie on his massage table.  After a few minutes, he gently asked me, "How are you doing as a new mother?"  Immediately, tears spilled from my eyes.  We talked about me and what I was feeling, and I admitted that I was experiencing a lot of anxiety about being the perfect parent.  Now this is nothing new for me.  As a student, I was always committed to having straight A's.  In my sales career, I have never been satisfied unless I'm number one.  I have very little patience for those around me who aren't equally committed to perfectionism.  This makes for some challenges in marriage and other relationships.

When the V's moved in, every decision I made seemed monumentally important, like the slightest misstep would shape (scar?) them forever.  The weight of my own self-inflicted responsibility was crushing me.  And Dr. Will, genius that he is, saw this instantly.  He told me there was nothing wrong with me physically- that my body was in perfect alignment.  I was healthy and physically fit.  The back pain was coming from another source.  So he gave me a little mantra to repeat to myself:

I am doing the best that I can.  And my best IS good enough.

I am doing the best that I can.  And my best IS good enough.

I am doing the best that I can.  And my best IS good enough.

And you know what?  I was doing my best.  I always have done my best.  It took someone else pointing it out for me to see this.  The back pain was gone after a couple of days, and has not returned.  And I've learned to lighten up, not put so much pressure on myself, and forgive myself when I have been less than perfect.

So in 2011, I resolve to do my best.  I will be the best wife that I can be, the best mother, the best daughter, sister, friend, and employee.  I will do my best to care for my own emotional and physical health.  And I will accept that on some days, my best will be better than other days.  All any of us can ever ask of ourselves is that we do our best.  So that is my resolution.