Tucked In

I just took Victoria to the bathroom, a nightly ritual that we perform in order to avoid bedtime accidents.  She never really wakes up, so it's a lot like moving a rag doll back and forth.  I gave her a little bit of water, as she won't be allowed to have any after she wakes up in the morning.  Then I carried her back to her bed and she curled up into a little ball, a little angel in footy pajamas.  In five hours I'll wake her up to take her to the hospital, where they'll close the hole in her heart, and then maybe I'll be able to breathe again. 

I received a call from the anesthesiologist tonight, per my request.  This is a good sign, that I asked to receive a call and then I actually did.  It's a display of competence on the part of the administrative person who passed along the message to the doctor, and caring on the part of the doctor who took the time to call.  We talked for 13 minutes, and he said that he thinks very highly of our cardiologist.  He said he has worked with him many times before, and that he would have him perform this procedure on his own child if he were in my situation.  At the end of the call, he told me to get a good night's sleep, that I don't need to worry, and that they will take good care of my little girl.  Yet here I am, typing away at 11:30.  Not getting sleep, worrying, paralyzed about what to do next.  Should I go cry in my husband's arms?  I don't really want to burden him with my fears.  Should I sit here on the couch until morning?  Turn on the TV to distract me? 

All of your messages have really meant a lot to me.  Thank you so much, dear friends and family.  I'll post updates tomorrow as events unfold.  Victoria can receive visitors after her procedure is over, so just call or text me if you want to stop by.  She should be out of the catheterization lab by noon, I'd think, and then after that she'll go to the ICU, where she'll spend the night, as is routine for this procedure.        

Okay.  I've decided on my plan.  I'm going to do what I do every night, because this is just a night like any other night.  I'm going to go and kiss my children one last time.  Then I'm going to brush my teeth and get in bed.  I'm going to surf the internet a little on my iPad, and then I'm going to fall asleep.  When the alarm goes off, I'll get up and get ready for my day.  I'll be in touch.