We are Certified!

I am overjoyed! I just got an e-mail from our adoption specialist, Andrea, informing me that the state of Arizona has officially certified us to be adoptive parents. Yep, that's right... we are certified parents (not to be confused with certifiable, ha ha...)

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. A couple of days ago, I left a voice mail for Carrie, the volunteer coordinator for the Child Crisis Center where I volunteer each week. I wanted to talk to her about these two wonderful children who live there, with whom I have completely fallen in love. The girl is about 2 and a half years old and she is just the most charming, delightful, sweet, smart little thing. She has lived there since she was 3 months old and really doesn't know a life outside the institution. Her brother came along later and he is 10 months old. He is a cuddly chunky baby and I just love to scoop him up and give him kisses on his fat little cheeks. So I was curious to know if there is any possibility that they would become available for adoption. Carrie called me back today and we had a very long conversation about this. The upshot of it all is that because these kids are part of the Gila River Indian Tribe, they cannot be adopted or even placed in a foster home with a non-member of the tribe. Apparently there is a staff member at the Crisis Center who has been fighting this battle for over a year and the CEO has gotten involved, but the tribe will not budge. I have known that it is extremely difficult to adopt Native American children, but I did not know that the Gila River tribe has a law that they will never sever the rights of the birth family. So even if they somehow ended up in a non-member's home, the tribe would always retain the right to take the children back. This legislation was all put in place as a backlash to policies 50 or 60 years ago that allowed Native American children to be forcibly removed from their homes without cause, raised in boarding schools, and deliberately stripped of their culture. Like all legislation, it was put in place to solve one problem, but created new and different issues that we are dealing with today- like kids that will spend their entire childhood in a crisis center rather than a loving home...

Needless to say, I was crushed to hear this news. Not surprised, but very saddened to think of these two wonderful children who are so loved and wanted, but unable to grow up in a family environment. So I came into Dave's office, planning to cry on his shoulder, but found that he was not at his desk. And then I said to myself, "Might as well check my e-mail while I'm here..." and guess what?

Yes that's right... we're certified!!!

A lot of my family and friends have expressed to me that they feel it is unfair that adoptive parents have to go through a process to become certified. People will say things like, "You and Dave would make such great parents, I think it's just ridiculous that you have to jump through these hoops..." or "I think everyone should have to become certified to become parents, through either birth or adoption." I'd like to address these comments. Having completed the training that we received through our agency, I feel that I have a much deeper understanding of the loss and attachment issues that all adopted children face, but especially those who come from the foster care system.

These children have suffered as no child should ever have to suffer. They may have been neglected, underfed, raised in a dangerous environment, abused physically or sexually, emotionally maltreated, or abandoned. All of this impacts their emotional, cognitive, and even physical development. But despite all this, they love their family. Just as a fish does not know it requires water to survive, these children do not know that any other way of life is possible. They are attached to their caregivers, poor as that care may be. Now CPS becomes aware of the situation and decides it is necessary to remove a child from his home. The child is taken away, with only a few items of clothing, maybe a stuffed animal or security blanket, and no warning or explanation of what is going on. He doesn't understand what is happening- he is frightened and wants to go home. He may stay in a shelter for a few days, cared for by total strangers, and then he goes to a foster home. The people are nice there, but the child still wants his own family. Sometimes he is allowed a visit from his birth mom or dad. He thinks they have come to take him home, but then they end up leaving again. The loss is crushing, and happens over and over again. Eventually he becomes accustomed to the foster family and learns to love them and how to fit into their lives and environment. He may live with more than one foster family before he is finally adopted. Each time he moves, he suffers a new loss all over again. And then one day he is told that this family is here to adopt him- they will be his "forever family." How can he be sure that he won't be taken away again? Should he allow himself to love these people, or will his heart be broken again?

This is why we went through such an extensive process- to ensure that we are truly ready to parent a child from these circumstances. After all this child has been through, the state wants to do everything they can to prevent future loss and suffering. So I don't resent the certification process- I'm grateful for it. I feel so ready to be an adoptive mom!

Cross your fingers for things to move along quickly now!