Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday was my birthday. One year ago, I posted this story of a beautiful gift that was given to me by many of my loved ones. And this year, here I am with my presents from my family:

You will notice that two little people are with me, ready to help me open the presents. They were so eager to begin the unwrapping process that it was tough to get them to sit still for a photo. I have been reflecting on the gift that my family and friends gave me last year. At the time, I was in a dark and lonely place, beginning to despair that my dream of becoming a mother would never come true. I was tired of hearing so many useless platitudes:

It will happen when it happens... Someday you will realize it was all worth it... The right child will find you and your family... You should enjoy this time with your husband, because everything will change when you have kids...

As it turns out, most of these things were true. But none of them made even the slightest iota of difference when it came to easing the pain and longing that I felt. I would never say any of these things to a woman (or man, for that matter) who was struggling to build a family. But let me tell you what I WOULD say to someone I cared about:

I love you. It hurts me to see you struggle like this. I'm hoping and wishing and praying and sending my own powerful energy out there for you. I'm here for you if you need me. Although you don't have a child yet, know that you have a friend/sister/cousin who loves you very, very much.

For these were the messages that were given to me last year, and these messages carried me through another seven months of highs and lows and waiting, waiting, waiting.

Last year, for my birthday, a friend gave me a small sculpture of an angel, entitled "Angel of Hope." This year, my nephew and his wife sent a different sculpture from across the country- this one an African stone carving, elegant and simple, representing a family of two adults and two children, arms entwined in a circle. The two sculptures sit side by side in my office at work, not far from my framed photos of my beautiful children.

Oh, Universe, thank you for fulfilling my dream. Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear loved ones, for standing by me through the long journey, and for rejoicing with me in my moment of fulfillment. I lift up my head in joy and gratitude.

This year, I opened a gift from my two children, one that Valentino helped to pick out for me. It was a glass sculpture of a whale. I thanked them and kissed them on their soft, sweet cheeks. Later, as I was opening another gift and thanking someone else, Tino looked up at me innocently and announced, "Mommy, I get a humpback whale for you." My eyes filled with tears at the wonder of this little person being in my life, calling me Mommy.

Later, we sang our family's traditional Happy Birthday song (3 verses!) as candles flickered on the cake my mother baked for me, the same cake she has made for my birthday every year of my life. Some people inserted my given name into the song and others sang, "Mommy." When the song finished, I blew out the candles. I didn't make a wish this year, because all of my wishes have already come true.