Promises Kept

When we found out that we were in the Red File for the V's (although I didn't know their names then), I wanted to do something different this time- something that would let the people in the meeting know how committed we were to raising our children.  So I wrote a letter to the foster family, who I knew would have a large say in the selection of the adoptive family.  A lot of thought went into the letter, along with collaboration from various family members.  I don't know if it made a difference or not, but I do know the letter was read (and translated into Spanish for the abuelos) in the Red File meeting.  Today I re-read my letter, and I feel pretty proud of myself and my husband.  I truly believe that we are keeping all of the promises that we made in the letter.  We wrote the letter based on our beliefs and values, and we are parenting with those same values at the forefront of our hearts and minds.  Here is our letter to the abuelos:

January 10, 2010

Dear Foster Parents,

Thank you for considering us as an adoptive family for your two children.  We would be honored and overjoyed to be chosen as their forever family.  We have wanted to be parents for many years, and we will cherish the children that come into our family through adoption.  We would like you to know about our lives, our values, and our plans for parenting our children.

First, we will always celebrate your role in the children’s lives.  You are their family, and will always be a part of their family.  We will respect their ethnic, cultural, and family background.  We will make sure they know how much you love them and want the best for them.  We hope that you will remain in very close contact with us, and we are committed to providing you with regular photos, updates, and ongoing contact with the children.

Family is very important to us.  Dave’s family lives in Pennsylvania, so we make a special trip to see them at least once per year.  Tara’s family is much larger and most of the members of her family live in Tucson and Phoenix.  We get together often, and always celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the children’s birthdays.  Our children will have many young cousins to play with at these gatherings.  Everyone is very excited for us to bring more children into the family.  In fact, as a gift for Tara’s birthday, they recently created a special scrapbook expressing their love, support, prayers, and wishes for us to become parents.  Forty-three people participated in the creation of this book!

We are college graduates, and we value learning and education.  We both have interesting careers that we enjoy; Tara works for a large corporation as a sales manager, and Dave has owned his own home-based business for many years.  Our family is and will always be our top priority.  Because of the flexibility and security we have in our professional lives, we will be able to spend more time with our children and be actively engaged in their development and education.

We believe the key to good parenting is the quality of time that parents spend with children.  During our time with our children, we plan to interact with them through active play, conversation, and activities.  We won’t be plunking them down in front of a television or game console while we busy ourselves elsewhere.  As they grow up, family dinners together will be a tradition.  This is how we were both raised, and we have seen how this helps parents to have close relationships with children and to be very aware of what is going on in their children’s lives. 

We plan to devote weekends and holidays to family activities.  During his 18 years as a Big Brother (Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Central Arizona), Dave has a lot of practice in organizing activities for kids and adults to do together.  We see Dave’s Little Brother once per week, so we are always looking for fun and special activities to do together.  Together with Dave’s Little Brothers, we have participated in hikes, picnics, building models, creating works of art, visiting museums and zoos, playing sports and games, swimming, learning to scuba dive, flying a plane, camping, rock climbing, musical and theatrical performances, sporting events and many other activities.  We look forward to sharing many wonderful experiences with our own children.  We have many friends with young children ages one to six. Over the past year, we have cultivated relationships with other families who have adopted children, so that our children will have friends who share this background.

Thank you for taking the time to get to know us.  If you choose to have us raise your children, we promise to raise them with love, kindness, and patience, and we will give them every opportunity to experience a happy and fulfilling life. 

Sincerely,

David and Tara