Tomorrow- one way or another- I will be put out of my misery. The suspense will be over. Ferdinand and Isabella will be mine. Or not.
As you know, if it's bad news, I won't be able to call everyone individually and share the story over and over. I will call Dave and my mom, and maybe my sister. After that, I'll need to stop telling and re-telling the sad story. Everyone else, thank you for understanding and please check back here tomorrow night.
If it is good news... then I can't even begin to imagine how I will be able to focus at work. I may have to run outside and do a couple of laps around the building. I will come home and drink the really nice champagne that my boss gave me as a gift a year ago, which I have been saving for a special occasion. This would be special enough, I think.
I have been pondering the simultaneous existence of two futures. A couple of days ago, Dave purchased tickets for our trip to Hawaii in July. This is a trip we have been planning for over a year. We're going to take my father-in-law there, since he's never been to Hawaii and has always wanted to go. My mom is coming and some other family members may join us on the trip too. So when Dave called me to discuss travel dates, we were going back and forth about departure times, number of days I'd have to miss work, and other considerations. Then I asked, "What if we have Ferdinand and Isabella?" and Dave paused for a minute and then said, "I just can't think about that right now, it's too much for me to handle." I completely understand. We can't put our lives on hold for a what-if. We must move forward. So future number one includes a lovely, relaxing adults-only vacation on a beautiful island. We'll do whatever we want, including long hikes, treks through the jungle, walking on volcanic lava, and a host of adventures.
Future number two includes two little ones. We'll be bringing a lot of equipment with us, including car seats, a portable crib, a diaper bag, lots and lots of sunscreen, and I can't even begin to think what else. I'll see our son experience the wonder of the ocean. We'll build a sand castle. Our daughter will squeal at the crabs running across the rocks. I think I might stay at the hotel with the kids, cuddling in bed or playing on the lawn, while Dave and the others head to the lava fields. It is a very different future, but one that is delightful to contemplate.
Over the weekend, I was talking to my cousin M, and we brainstormed the idea to compose a letter to Ferdinand and Isabella's foster family. We thought maybe it would be helpful for them to understand our values as told in my own words. Okay, my words... and M's words... and my mom's words.... yes, I asked for quite a bit of help in editing the letter. If we are chosen, I'll post the final draft here for all to read. For some reason, I don't want to post it tonight. It feels like bad luck to let the whole world read it before the foster family.
Anyway, I did not know whether or not it would be considered appropriate for Andrea to share my letter during the Red File, but I figured at the very least it would give her some helpful talking points in presenting our file. I sent the letter to Andrea and she said that she thought it was very nice and she plans to read it tomorrow. So at this point, I feel that I have done everything in my power to make this happen for us. I surrender to the powers that be and I ask the Universe again, please grant our wish this time.
Send all your good thoughts our way. As always, I am grateful for your love and support.
do you know what time the red file is today?? Oh I pray this is it!!!
ReplyDeleteYou write your feelings and emotions so beautifully. I've never had a gift for writing--in fact I hate to write anything. You're very lucky! In so many other areas, too. :-) I had a dream about you last night. Weird, huh? So I'm hoping this is THE day!
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