Valentino's Voice

Yesterday I talked to my son on the phone. I called S and P, his foster parents- who will henceforth be known as his abuelos (grandparents) on this blog. We made a plan for us to meet the children- tomorrow! I first talked to P, their abuelo. He asked me what we decided and I told him that we had already decided the second we left the CPS building on Friday. He said, Valentino wants to talk to you, and I could hear him in the background, saying, "Valentino, it's your mommy on the phone. Come and talk to your mommy." Then came Valentino and he said, "Hi, mommy." My heart was bursting with love. I could hear P in the background coaching him, "Say 'How are you, Mommy?' Say 'I want to see you, Mommy.' Say, 'When are you coming to see me, Mommy?'" And Valentino would repeat everything he said (in English.) I tried talking to him in both English and Spanish but he only spoke to me in English. He has been in day care for about a month and his English is excellent. Of course, he was only repeating what he has been told, but he seems to have very good pronunciation.

After that, P put me on the phone with S (abuela.) We planned to get together tomorrow afternoon. She explained to me what she has told Valentino. She told him that we are a family that had no children and that we are going to be his parents now. He was really happy. She said that she asked him if he wanted to come and live with his mommy and daddy and he said yes. This is a good sign. We will see how things go when fantasy becomes reality.

Earlier in the day, I registered at Target. This was a very emotional experience for me. I have been looking forward to this for so long. So many times I have passed by the baby sections of the department stores and looked longingly at the tiny clothing and all the baby equipment and the pregnant women and moms pushing their toddlers in shopping carts and wished I could join the club... and yesterday I finally became a member! I almost burst into tears when they handed me the registry gun (a scanner that you can use to select the items to add to the registry.) I carried that thing all over the store, holding it next to my heart when I wasn't busy scanning. Just looking at the clothing was very emotional- holding things their size and imagining the children that would fit into these little jeans or pajamas. Wondering as I picked things out, does he like dinosaurs? How about Superman? I couldn't resist getting a couple of things with an "I love Mommy" theme, though I have mocked these items for most of my life. I am fast becoming a cliche and I love it! When I went through the toy section, I felt emotional there too. I picked out some toys that my sister and I loved when we were children, such as Sit and Spin, Play Doh, and Etch a Sketch. This brought back lots of memories.

One thing that was pretty funny was that I saw this other couple registering for baby stuff. She was very pregnant and they had a toddler in the basket of their shopping cart. The husband was carrying the gun and they were being so practical and matter of fact about it. She would say, "Do you think we need one of these?" and the dad would say, "Don't we already have one of those?" and then she'd say, "You're right. What else? Are we almost done here?" I almost laughed out loud at how for them it was such a practical, routine chore and I was having this incredibly significant, emotional experience in the Target aisle. But I will say, it was one of the first times in years that I looked at a pregnant belly and felt nothing at all. No envy, no bitter twist of jealousy, no reflections on the unfairness of it all. If anything, some sense of affinity for a fellow mom. I never thought this day would come.

So tomorrow I meet my babies! I am so excited and being a little bit silly about it too. Earlier, I was thinking, "What should I wear?" and then it occurred to me that of course a one and two year old don't care what you are wearing, for crying out loud... Will keep you all posted.