Dave and I have long argued about whether or not to deceive our FHAC (future hypothetical adopted children) into believing in the existence of that mythical overweight red-suited, jolly, pink cheeked, white bearded, gift bearing gentleman from the North Pole. You may be able to guess which side of the debate I landed on.
Now that the FHAC have become a real boy and girl (just like Pinocchio!) the debate surfaced again last night. And the arguments haven't really changed that much.
He: If you don't let them believe in Santa, you are depriving them of one of the most joyful experiences that a child will ever have.
Me: I didn't believe in Santa and I still found Christmas pretty joyful.
He: You had no idea what you were missing.
Me: If you LIE to our children, you risk losing their trust when they find out the truth.
He: I don't remember ever feeling betrayed or deceived when I learned about Santa.
Me: But, in fact, you were betrayed and deceived, whether you realized it or not.
And so on, and so on...
I think it goes to show that we both feel we had a pretty good upbringing and we want to parent the same way our parents did. My parents never made a big deal of the whole THERE IS NO SANTA thing. They just never went to great lengths to reinforce the myth. So I suppose we'll land somewhere in the middle. I will adopt a don't ask, don't tell policy... and Dave will be in charge of all the outright lying and deceiving of the children.. That way, when the myth is eventually shattered, at least they'll be able to believe one of their parents. :)
What think you?
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To paraphrase Miracle on 34th street - Santa isn't a myth, it's a feeling. As long as there is generosity, there is Santa. I still believe!
ReplyDeleteAs to whether you should tell the kids about Santa, I am firmly in the tell category. It's part of what makes the season magical and when they're older and asking questions, you can let them in on conspiracy by becoming "Santas" themselves. It's not a lie, it's part of the fun of giving without expecting the recipient to say "thanks". I believe that is the more important lesson of the holiday.
Ours are still FHACs. I really struggle with the whole Santa thing. It seems so morally and spiritually bankrupt to me. Particularly as rich kids get more presents than poor ones. Inevitably.
ReplyDeleteI remember one of our nieces, years ago, explaining how Santa sees and knows everything. Which is a logical conclusion to reach, but left Santa sounding far too much like a deity for comfort.
On the other hand, I don't want to be one of those deliberately odd, Christian parents, who ban Easter bunnies, TV, halloween parties and Harry Potter.
I don't think it did me any harm at all, believing in Santa. I don't think I would manage the lying very well though.
My hypothetical compromise, for our FHACs is to do the Santa thing, but be clear that it is pretend. Preserve the magic with lots of make believe and imagining, but make it clear that it is just that. Kids have great imaginations and seem to enjoy make believe, even when they know it's make believe. The magic of Santa didn't disappear for me when I knew it was my Dad...
Completely prepared for my hypothetical solution to be blown out of the water, as soon as the FHACs become ACs - along with all my other hypothetical perfect parenting.... :-)
My parents have had an interesting dilemma. My younger sister has learning difficulties, and so the normal growing up process, where kids find out that Santa doesn't exist, just didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteWell into adulthood, she still believed in Father Christmas. And my parents were trying to work out how and when to tell her he doesn't exist. I'm not sure she entirely understands even now. And she's 27....